Monday, July 26, 2010

A List of Things That Make Me Laugh

By special request I'm here to write for you beautiful people. As its my blog and I do what I want, I created a list of things to do that make me smile.

1. Walk around with one of those child leashes dragging on the ground and start crying uncontrollably whenever anyone asks about it.

2. Go into a restaurant, refuse to speak, but instead write down everything you want. Order off the menu. When the server refuses, frown but order from the regular menu in a bizarre accent. Then tip generously and tell the server the service was wonderful in your normal voice.

3. Catch and tame a squirrel and train it to walk on a leash. Tell people it's a Dachshund and argue with them to the death about the veracity of that statement.

4. Dress up like a superhero to work but wear a tie.

5. Make references to antiquated technology for a full day (i.e. say you're going to forward your boss a telegram from a big client, ask if anyone has a floppy you can borrow to save some important documents)

6. Stare at a couple without looking away until they confront you. Calmly respond by asking them if they prefer corn on the cob or potato chips. Insist on an answer until they get freaked out and leave.

7. Go to a bar and strike up a conversation with a girl. If you hit it off and have a good conversation, suddenly whip out a ring and get down on one knee. Then walk away.

8. Ask a bartender for a succession of made-up drinks they're guaranteed not to have. When you sense the frustration level is high enough, say "Ahhh I don't drink anyway, can I just have a Sprite?" Then tip generously.

9. Wear two wildly different shoes and insist they're the same without budging. Do this all day. Then change into a different mismatched pair at lunch and say you fixed the problem.

10. Walk around a public area and stand next to people, staring at them and writing in a notebook. When they notice you, act surprised and scurry off.