Wednesday, November 19, 2008

What If?

I've just decided to write a series (possibly ending after 1) of posts asking "what if" certain scenarios took place. For example, what if I suddenly grew a foot and gained 75 pounds?

If tomorrow morning I woke up and was 6'10", 240, I would immediately tramp to the nearest basketball court and proceed to dunk on every single person in the gym in turn. Pregnant mothers and small children would be first in line, followed closely by pre-pubescent girls and young wannabe ballers.

Next, I would grab a flight to China's Tianjin Province and simply stand in large crowds as small Asian men and women gawked at my new-found bulk. I would then hitch a ride over to Japan where I would pose as an NBA player and be treated as royalty by the uninformed.

Returning to the States, I would embark on a pimp-slapping rampage, daring anyone under the height of 6'0" to step to me, barring the presence of a firearm. Finally, I would sit down at the end of the day, and sing quietly to myself: "I wish I was a little bit taller..." all the while smiling surreptitiously and wondering if the following morning I would wake up as a 4'10", 100 lb masterpiece of proportional majesty.

More to follow.


aht4005 said...
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aht4005 said...

I would procede to kicking you in the shin and running around in a circle because you can't reach that low to catch me. Then after I'm done and you are writhing on the ground in pain. I would call you a tall bastard and walk away like I didn't do anything