The Smoking Gunners

It must be hard being an Arsenal fan. First the French backbone of the squad (Patrick Vieira, Robert Pirés and then Thierry Henry) departed back-to-back-to-back, then Croatian super-striker Eduardo's career was nearly ended, then, most recently, Captain Fantastic Cesc Fabregas has been crocked for up to 4 months. This, on top of a spate of other misfortunes, such as (perceived) poor transfer market dealings by Arsene Wenger and his oft-criticized youth over experience policy has the Gunners firing blanks recently. So what does the future hold for the Arsenal?

If past experience holds true, Arsene Wenger will be OK. Many predicted the downfall of the Gooners when the last (and probably the most important) of the French troops, the va-va-voom VIP Thierry Henry departed. Stunning even the most staunch supporters of the red and white, Arsene shot his young charges to a respectable fourth-placed finish in the EPL and the Champions League round of 16.

Cynics will say that this ship's lack of big-name cannons make it destined to be outgunned by the big-spending opposition such as Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea et al. However, in my humble opinion, should Wenger convince the Arsenal brass to part with a few farthings in order to pick up some experienced snipers to lead the young semi-automatic Gunners, they may very well be firing on all cylinders before the end of this season. If the moves must come in the summer, the club could be on its way back to greatness, barring some misfortune.

Hello... Newman

It happened. I've watched so many episodes of Seinfeld that I'm starting to love the show. I finally managed to draw a distinction between Michael Richards and his Kramer character, and now that that's done, I have no issues with chuckling, chortling, or even all-out guffawing whenever the irrepressibly goofy Kramer comes bursting through Jerry's door to make some sort of outlandish and brutally honest statement.

I can't help but laugh at the fact that Jerry Seinfeld is a terrible actor in and of his own right. I see him smiling through serious scenes, muffing lines and dropping cues, but it's part of what brings me back. It may just be that he did all these things on purpose to illustrate just how carefree his character is, but either way, I don't care. George is the perfect representation of the friend you love to hate, but can't live without, and Jerry's relationship with Elaine is worth at least three laughs an episode.

If there's an everyday situation to occur, it's probably been covered in Seinfeld. From nose-picking to double-dipping to pulling in a parking spot from the back, if it happens, Seinfeld probably created a fast-talking, stereotypically New York Jewish episode about it.

And you know what? I like it.

Writer's Apathy

At this point in my blogging "career", I've run into a significant problem. Since there isn't too much exciting going on in my world, the only thing I have to blog about are personal thoughts and goings-on in my life. Since I'm a relatively private person for the most part, blogging about how I feel just doesn't really cut it for me. So I don't write. I made a pledge to myself to write more, but I realized lately that the pledge I made is in direct contention with my natural state of being. I'm not big on sharing my feelings, especially through the very public medium of a universally accessible blog.

So what do I do?

I can make up some cool stories... "The other day I ran into Emeka Okafor at the mall by accident, and managed to scuff his brand new Jordan XIs. I apologized, but he was enraged until he noticed I had my Mork and Mindy SBs on. Turns out Emeka is a HUGE sneaker head and was disappointed to never have been able to add the Mork and Mindys to his collection. We started talking about sneakers which eventually devolved into talking about life, and found we have a lot in common. Somehow the conversation turned to soccer and he told me he's always been a huge soccer fan and would be traveling to Italy this summer to visit Milan, Turin and Rome. He invited me and a couple buddies to come along, free of charge, based on the pretenses of a community service trip."

If I wanted, I could lie on this blog and post vapid, pointless musings by the hour. But since I don't really feel like it, I'll get to it when I get to it. The cool stories thing is fun from time to time, but I'd rather write about things that deserve it. Like sneakers. And soccer.

Hmm.

Maybe I should just make stuff up.

Worst Signing Evar

Former Juventus director Luciano Moggi, always ready with a controversial quote for the media's slavering mouths, has popped up with yet another outrageous statement on the footballing world. Moggi's latest outburst was directed at Brazilian magician Ronaldinho, currently conducting his samba in the red and black of AC Milan. When asked about transfers, Moggi offered this gem: "The worst signing? Well there are buys like Ronaldinho". He later explained that it was not for a lack of quality, but for the fact that Ronaldinho "plays a mild rhythm even though he knows how to do everything with his feet." He went on to say that Ronaldinho does not change his style of play when the game tempo increases and pointed out the fact that the vaunted Kaká-Ronaldinho partnership has struggled thus far.

As ridiculous as it may sound, I'm inclined to agree with Moggi in principle. While I also think Ronaldinho is a phenomenal player, and I'm more than happy to see him regain some semblance of his previous glittering form, I feel Milan could have done better with signing a strong defender or another forward. Ronaldinho has been playing well, but at the expense of Milan's talisman Kaká who is clearly not happy with the way he's been deployed since 'dinho's arrival.

I believe Moggi is right in the fact that Ronaldinho may not have necessarily been needed at Milan, but I do not agree with his assessment of the Brazilian as the worst signing this year. That award must go to the Portuguese flop Ricardo Quaresma, who yet again has failed to replicate his Porto form with a big club, contributing nothing to the Inter Milan cause but excess hair gel and wildly inaccurate outside-of-the-foot shots.

In This Crazy World

I'm gonna make this brief, but here's what's been going on in my life recently:

I was in a car accident in which a car swerved in front of a truck, and I was unable to stop in time, ramming my beloved Audi A6 into the back of a construction pickup. Because both of my airbags were deployed, the insurance company declared my whip totaled. Right now I'm currently driving a Pontiac G6 rental and looking for a new piece of metal and leather to drive 2 miles an hour so everybody sees me. Or really fast so only the cops do.

The only injuries I sustained in the accident were a small cut on my left hand, the loss of my car and a little bit of hurt pride.

Moving on to happier news, I needed a haircut so I decided to get a fade, taking it back to when I was 12 years old. If I do say so myself, it looks pretty good. My brother also bought me a pair of white Nike Air Max 90s with the rainbow bottom, so that makes me a bit happier.

I'll be back later with more updates on my life.

Information Age

One of my best friends (shout-out to the Japanese magician Sho Yamagishi) sent me a YouTube video the other day that referenced how far we've come in the technology age. The video, called "Did you know?" brought up a few key points:

*China will soon become the number one English-speaking country in the world

*India has more honors kids than the U.S. has kids

*The top 10 in-demand jobs in 2010 did not exist in 2004

*It's estimated that a week's worth of the New York Times contains more information than a person was likely to come across in a lifetime in the 18th century

*It's estimated that 4 exabytes (4.0 x 10^19) of unique information will be generated this year... more than the previous 5,000 years

*Half of what students beginning a 4-year technical degree learn in their first year of study will be outdated by their third year of study

A commenter (shout-out to Dallas) noted that one of the main reasons blogging is dead (or dying) is that we live a post-literate society. We're able to get so much of our information from sources such as YouTube and television that there's no need to read anymore. As much as it pains me and makes me feel old, it's true. While I do love to read, I'm far more likely to click on a link to watch an interview. However, because I do love reading, 'riting and a little bit of 'rithmetic I'll continue blogging and hope that someone else has an appreciation for the new "old school" that is the 21st century blog.

Short 'n 'Sweet

Over the next few days I'm going to try writing shorter blog posts so I can actually get things down on "paper" and keep my thoughts moving. I've been tweeting fairly often, so I'm going to try and split up my time between Twitter and Blogger so both kids feel like they're getting their fair share.

Anyway, Juve won this weekend and that makes me very, very happy. I got my aspirin kicked multiple times today in FIFA and that makes me very, very upset. I haven't been on my game in the last couple days, but I pledge to regain form and resume normal mollywhopping tendencies as soon as the Lord of the Rings is over.

Quick side note: the Lord of the Rings was showing all day on TNT and I was kinda ecstatic about it. Nerd status!

Tweet

A few weeks ago I noted that the demise of blogging had been forecasted by some prominent magazine (I forget what it is, but it's inconsequential at the moment). The publication stated that blogging would soon be completely replaced by Twitter and other such "microblogging" applications. When I read this, I immediately wrote (on my blog) that I wouldn't fall prey to such a thing, and I would maintain my blog as best I could.

Well...

I officially shortened what normally would be a half to full-page blog post to around 120 characters earlier today. I thought about writing a whole spiel about how the point of being a sneakerhead was to actually wear the sneakers you've worked so hard to collect, but I ended up condensing it to this short Twitter "tweet" (yes, you can laugh. I have, MANY times): "Isn't the point of being a sneakerhead to WEAR the sneakers, not just put them in boxes and never touch them again?" After I wrote the tweet, it took me a few seconds for it to set in and then I realized that I had fallen victim to convenience.

While I pledge to at least attempt (read: think about it for a half second) to continue to write real blog posts, from now on, if I do have a quick idea, it will go into a Twitter tweet (I just really like saying it) for a few reasons. Sometimes I really just don't have the time to write a full post. Sometimes I just don't feel like it. Sometimes it may work out better in a short idea than extrapolated to a full page. As such, whoever gets the urge can follow me on Twitter (username aawest), and if not, just look for my random blogging as you have (or probably haven't) up till now.

I used a lot of parentheses in this post.

Stuff People Like

I recently came across the website and book "Stuff White People Like", and it inspired me to write a few of my own "Stuffs". This is my exercise in social commentary through humor. If you're offended... Good. If not... Good.

Black People Like: Dressing White

It's important to understand that in today's world, dressing like white people is no longer unacceptable to black people. Black people began wearing clothes and doing activities previously considered "white" because they were tired of being left out of the loop. Recently, young (18-30) black men began wearing button downs, button ups, and sweaters with buttons (white people call them cardigans) as well as Lacoste or Polo caps and boat shoes. In order to wear these buttoned tops, bent-brim caps and boat shoes, black men are very careful to maintain the same percentage of improper grammar and semblance of "hood" status.

Black guys are very careful to never wear khakis with the ensemble unless they are appropriately baggy shorts or Dickies. Equally important to the clothes worn is the requisite posturing to let other black people know that they're still black even though the clothing may signify otherwise. Another important aspect of dressing white is to wear bright enough colors to let other black people know that the wearer has still retained his flamboyant "black" style.

If you see a black person wearing these clothes, it's always a good idea to compliment them on their style and tell them that the colors they're wearing "look great on them". This will give you some cool points with the black person and they may even invite you to a party with them.

More May Come

Stop

Using auto-tune on everything. We're sick of it, and it's making real singers few and far between. It doesn't make you a singer, it just makes you someone with access to the technology.

Acting like that word that starts with "N" in public. You're messing it up for the rest of us that actually act like we have some sense. Plus it's really not cool anyway. Acting goofy from time to time is straight, but for the most part you only attract unwanted attention from the "P" (olice) and by default, we catch the fallout as well.

Touching my hair. I don't even like it when you ask to touch my hair. It was funny years ago when I was like 3 and I didn't know any better, but now it's just ignorant. I don't really care if you've never felt anything like it, it's not my job to educate you on the ins and outs of African-American hair. And when you say, "it's not like you have any hair anyway" it just proves my earlier point about your ignorance.

Kicking my ankles if I run by you on the soccer field. It kinda hurts and it doesn't prove your defensive skills at all. You just look like a donkey.

Sending me chain e-mails that mainly have to do with conjecture, hoaxes or ridiculous warnings. I have a mailbox limit and I don't feel like taking the time to delete all your useless emails. (The sole exclusions for this are Aunts, Uncles and other assorted family members, just because I don't want to hate on them)

Quitting in the 89th minute if I'm beating you in FIFA. At least have the decency to do it before the 70th minute so I don't have to waste all my time mollywhopping you and then not get any credit for it.

Dialing my number accidentally and then not having the decency to explain that it was a mistake when I answer it. It happens more often than you think, and it's very annoying when it happens repeatedly without any apology.

Asking me if I know Steph and if he's cool. Yes I do. Yes he is. But that doesn't make me any cooler or different for knowing him. He's a ordinary dude who happens to be extraordinarily good at the sport of basketball due to a blessed combination of natural talent and very hard work. And maybe I could get you a signed picture, but I'm absolutely not going to bother myself or the man for one.

Finally (for now): Stop bothering me. No specifics here; if you bother me, stop it. Cease. Desist. No más. That is all.