The Man From Negron

There have been reports streaming in from Chapel Hill, NC, Atlanta, GA and Greenville, NC of a figure flying about the streets and buildings terrorising citizens. Some believe it to be a large bird, others think it's a small plane, but I have surmised the truth. Andre Sherard is the Black Superman.

I began to have suspicions about Andre's true identity when he would often disappear for extended periods when we hung out. I wasn't sure where he was, but he would return out of breath, often with blood or rubble on his clothes. From the information I've gathered, Andre, or "Bizarro Negraro" as he tends to call himself, will swoop in on unsuspecting victims, "saving" them from some "fate" he has constructed in his own overactive and puny brain. These "rescues" will often end up in injury for the person being saved, destruction of public property, as well as general horror and disgust at simply seeing Negraro's perfectly coiffed perm.

The authorities have been notified, and the official advice for people wandering the streets is to stay inside if at all possible. If it is not an option for you to hole up in your abode, exercise extreme caution. If indeed you do run across the Ghetto Superman, avoid eye contact, act confidently and convey the appearance of being in charge of the situation. Eventually he will lose focus and drift off to play video games, juggle a soccer ball, go on AIM or stalk people on Facebook.